How Can I Help My Anxious Child?

Since launching the Discovery Journal, I’ve been deeply moved by the number of parents reaching out, seeking support for their anxious child. Whether it’s stress, depression, or childhood anxiety, there’s an urgent desire from parents to find ways to ease their child’s emotional struggles. This blog is for those looking to understand childhood anxiety better and how to support an anxious child through it.

Although I’m not a parent myself, I’ve lived with anxiety and OCD from a young age. Through this blog, I aim to share the lessons I’ve learned, not just from personal experience, but also from listening to friends, family, and others who have navigated mental health. It’s my way of offering support and helping break the stigma around mental illness, especially in children and teens.

I can’t tell you exactly when or why my anxiety started, and I’m still on my journey to manage it. But one key thing I can share with any parent supporting a child with anxiety: don’t expect them to know why they feel this way.

Understanding Childhood Anxiety

Children often don’t have the words or understanding to explain their feelings:

• They don’t know why they’re anxious.

• They don’t know why they avoid things.

• They don’t know what triggered it.

• They don’t know why it won’t go away.

Watching your child suffer from anxiety can feel helpless and confusing. You love them and want to help, but it can be overwhelming when even they don’t understand what’s happening.

As a child, I used to love flying, especially the window seat! But now, the idea of being stuck in a confined space sends me into a panic. Trying to explain that sudden fear to my parents was difficult, when I didn’t understand it myself.

Childhood anxiety can come on just as subtly and mysteriously. Whether triggered by trauma, stress, or seemingly nothing at all, the effects can linger long after the original cause fades.

Many anxious children feel like they’re letting their parents down. They may feel like a burden or a disappointment. Most children with anxiety desperately wish they could change how they feel.

This is why understanding is key. You may not know what started it. They don’t either. But it’s real, and it’s present. So what can you do?

Helping an Anxious Child Through Communication

Effective communication is one of the most powerful ways to help an anxious child. And no, it doesn’t have to mean deep, drawn-out heart-to-hearts. Communication can simply mean making it known that you’re there, a steady and calm presence.

When it comes to supporting anxious children, subtlety and consistency go a long way.

Understanding your child’s specific signs of anxiety can help build trust. For example, I tend to touch my throat, fidget with my hands, or start talking more when I’m anxious. Noticing these signs and responding without judgment can make a huge difference.

Turn instructions into gentle, helpful questions:

• Instead of “Calm down,” try: “Would a glass of water help?”

• “Can I get you something to write in?”

• “Would you like a walk or a change of scenery?”

These kinds of supportive prompts reassure your child that you see them, believe them, and want to help, even if you don’t fully understand the anxiety they’re experiencing.

What Anxiety Feels Like for Children and Teens

Understanding what anxiety feels like in children can be eye-opening.

Remember the “fight or flight” response from school? It’s what happens when your brain thinks you’re in danger. Picture being face-to-face with a bear in the woods, your heart races, your pupils dilate, adrenaline kicks in. That’s anxiety.

Now imagine feeling that way all day, every day, even when nothing’s “wrong.

For me, the fear of being sick in public was one of my triggers. Something as simple as a trip to the shop or sitting on a plane feels like being hunted by a bear.

At my worst, my body went through that fear response multiple times a day. It was exhausting. I’d sleep for hours just to recover from hiding my panic all day.

So if your child seems overwhelmed by everyday tasks, try to imagine them facing their worst fear in that moment. That shift in perspective can be powerful.

I covered some other less obvious symptoms of anxiety in another blog: 7 Surprising Signs of Anxiety You Might Be Ignoring.

Supporting Without “Fixing”

Helping a child with anxiety doesn’t mean fixing them; it means walking beside them.

There is a place for empathy in this scenario rather than defaulting to sympathy.

Support isn’t about solving their problems. Think of it as navigating without taking the wheel.

Be a steady presence, someone they can lean on, even if they don’t always want to talk.

Here are a few ways to offer real, meaningful support:

• Listen without solving – Let them vent without jumping in with fixes. Unsolicited solutions can feel dismissive. Try "that sounds" phrases, such as "that sounds difficult for you", rather than "what can I do to make it feel better?" More often than not, a child may not know why they feel the way they do, and if they knew what would make the feeling go away, they'd already be doing it.

• Check in gently – A simple “How are you today?” via text or at bedtime goes a long way.

• Ask, don’t assume – Before planning something, ask “Will this feel okay for you?” or “Is there anything I can do to make it easier?” Offering ways to improve the situation is a good compromise if something is coming up, a child with anxiety will likely might feel forced into a situation otherwise, ultimately elevating the anxiety.

• Be available – If they ask you to come along to an event or appointment, do your best to be there. It’s not about fixing, it’s about being their safety net and being curious.

Tools to Support an Anxious Child

There are lots of mental health tools for kids and teenagers that can help manage anxiety. Here are some of my favourites:

Journaling

I created the Discovery Journal based on what helped me. Writing things down is therapeutic, and journals provide a private space to reflect and track emotional growth. It can also help children articulate feelings they can’t say out loud.

Children may struggle facing blank pages, so something with more structure, such as a bullet journal, can be helpful.

Discovery Journals are designed to be quick and simple, just ticking boxes and ratings out of ten, so it feels more like an activity for children rather than a journal. I advise them to journal with the help of an adult, to help articulate and find their patterns.

Discovery Journal also provides a version of journals for neurodiversity. This version is particularly helpful for children as it provides more prompts, imagery and colour.

You can view our previous blog about The Neurodivergent Journal here.

Explore the Discovery Journal

Mindfulness

Mindfulness for children is a powerful way to slow down anxious thoughts. Focusing on the present moment, through guided breathing, listening, or body scanning, gives kids the chance to reconnect with themselves. Apps and short mindfulness exercises are great tools to get started.

Colouring In

Colouring books have become a widely recognised tool for reducing anxiety in children and adults alike. This simple activity engages the brain in a way that distracts from anxious thoughts, helping to calm the nervous system. The repetitive motion of colouring has a grounding effect, promoting focus, creativity, and a sense of control, all of which are especially beneficial for children struggling with feelings of overwhelm or restlessness.

When colouring, your child is brought into the present moment, which is essentially a form of mindfulness in action.

You can access a wide variety of colouring resources:

• For younger children: Look for colouring books themed around animals, nature, or favourite characters. These are available in most supermarkets or online.

• For older kids and teens: Mandala books or intricate pattern colouring books are excellent for promoting a meditative flow.

• Online downloads: Free printable pages are available through websites like Crayola or Pinterest.

• Bookstores: Waterstones and Amazon both have dedicated sections for mindfulness and therapeutic colouring books for all ages.

🚶 Gentle Exercise

Regular physical activity is one of the most effective ways to manage anxiety in children and teens, not just physically, but emotionally, too. Exercise releases endorphins, the brain’s natural feel-good chemicals, which can help reduce stress and elevate mood. It also reduces levels of the body’s stress hormones like adrenaline and cortisol, which often build up during anxiety spikes.

The most sustainable forms of exercise for anxious children are those that are easy, accessible, and pressure-free:

• Walking: A short walk in nature, around the block, or to a local park can provide fresh air, a change of scenery, and a sense of grounding.

• Dancing: Let them pick a favourite playlist and move freely around the house, fun, expressive, and energising.

• Yoga or stretching: There are fantastic free YouTube channels like Cosmic Kids Yoga for younger children and Yoga with Adriene for teens or adults.

• Sports or activities they enjoy: Swimming, cycling, or even trampolining in the garden — anything that allows them to move without too much structure.

It’s not about building fitness, it’s about creating a healthy outlet for stress and excess energy. Movement can help anxious children feel more connected to their bodies, reduce racing thoughts, and build confidence. Plus, having a routine or small goal (like a 10-minute walk each day) gives a sense of purpose. A big boost can be a parent who does the activity with them, giving them a feeling of support, especially in a new environment.

If your child is struggling with anxiety, depression, or stress, you’re not alone. There’s a whole community of parents, carers, and mental health advocates out there doing their best to support their loved ones.

Supporting an anxious child is about patience, empathy, and small, consistent steps. Whether you choose journaling, mindfulness, or simply being a listening ear, know that your presence alone can make a world of difference.

And if you’d like to explore more, you can find tools like the Discovery Journal here.