Christmas Anxiety: Why the Happiest Time of the Year Doesn't Always Feel Happy
Christmas comes with an unusual amount of emotional pressure.
You aren't simply expected to celebrate it, you're expected to love it.
You should be excited, grateful, festive.
Surrounded by people you adore while wearing an excellent Christmas jumper and somehow serving twelve perfectly cooked vegetables simultaneously.
And if you aren't feeling particularly merry? That can feel like another thing you're getting wrong.
The reality is that Christmas anxiety can affect people for countless reasons. Money worries, family relationships, social pressure, grief, disrupted routines, loneliness, food, alcohol and the sheer amount of organisation involved can turn the supposedly happiest time of the year into one of the most stressful.
You can love Christmas and still find it overwhelming.
Both things can be true.
Why Does Christmas Cause Anxiety?
Christmas concentrates a lot of life into a very small period of time.
Normally, you might see extended family occasionally; at Christmas, everyone is suddenly expected to occupy the same room for twelve hours.
Normally, you might spread purchases throughout the month; at Christmas, you're buying presents, food, travel and social events simultaneously.
Normally, weekends give you time to recover from work; in December, every weekend appears to contain three different obligations and someone asking whether you're "free for a quick drink".
It's a lot.
And anxiety tends to become louder when our usual routines disappear.
The Pressure To Have A Perfect Christmas
Christmas advertising is essentially one enormous comparison machine.
Perfect tables.
Perfect houses.
Perfect presents.
Perfect families.
Nobody argues.
Nobody burns the roast potatoes.
Nobody sits silently scrolling their phone because they've run out of things to say to Uncle Steve.
Real Christmas isn't like that.
People get tired.
Children have meltdowns.
Families disagree.
Presents disappoint.
Food gets overcooked.
Someone inevitably says something inappropriate.
The quicker you stop trying to create a Christmas worthy of an advert, the easier it becomes to enjoy the Christmas you're actually having.
Christmas Anxiety And Money
Financial anxiety can become particularly intense during Christmas.
Presents alone can quickly become expensive, before you've considered travel, food, parties, decorations and everything else December seems determined to charge you for.
There is also an uncomfortable social element to Christmas spending.
How much did they spend on me?
Is this present enough?
Should I buy for their children?
Are we exchanging presents this year?
None of these questions makes you a bad person.
Money is finite, and your affection for somebody doesn't need to be demonstrated through debt.
Set a budget before you start buying and make decisions based on what you can comfortably afford rather than what you imagine everybody expects.
Family Can Be Complicated
For some people, Christmas with family is wonderful; for others, family is exactly why Christmas is difficult.
Old tensions return, people ask intrusive questions, divorced or separated families create logistical challenges.
You might be expected to spend time with someone you actively avoid throughout the rest of the year.
Christmas doesn't magically make unhealthy relationships healthy.
You are still allowed boundaries in December.
If you struggle with boundaries or identify as a "people pleaser", Discovery Journal's Building Boundaries expansion works in conjunction with their mental health journals, helping you find where your "lines" are and build new boundaries to protect yourself and your sanity.
Christmas Can Magnify Grief And Loneliness
Christmas is heavily associated with tradition.
That means absence can become particularly noticeable.
The empty chair.
The person who normally cooked something.
The tradition you no longer have.
The relationship that ended.
The family you wish you had.
Loneliness can also feel particularly painful when everyone else appears to be surrounded by people.
Remember that you're seeing the public version of other people's Christmases.
A smiling photograph doesn't tell you what happened five minutes before or five minutes afterwards.
Permit yourself to experience whatever emotions appear.
You don't owe December constant happiness.
Your Routine Has Disappeared
Christmas quietly dismantles routine, for many people, this is enjoyable.
For someone who relies on routine to help manage anxiety, it can also be destabilising.
You don't need to maintain your normal schedule perfectly, but keeping a few anchors can help.
You don't need to abandon everything that keeps you grounded simply because it's Christmas. It's challenging to say no at this time of year, because you feel like you "should" be joining in and you "should" be enjoying yourself, but it's perfectly acceptable to say no as well. People will get over it.
Use Your Journal As An Anchor
The Discovery Journal can be particularly useful during periods when normal routines disappear.
You don't need to complete it religiously every day, instead, use it as somewhere to check in.
How am I actually feeling?
What has drained me?
What helped?
What am I worrying about?
Do I actually want to attend everything I've agreed to?
Sometimes seeing the answers on paper makes the problem considerably clearer. 5 minutes a day can show you just where you need to be commiting and where you need to be refusing. Make Christmas work for you.
Socialising Can Become Exhausting
Christmas socialising can be relentless.
Work parties, family meals, drinks, school events, christmas markets, friends you haven't seen since last Christmas suggesting that you absolutely must meet before this Christmas.
Everything feels so immediate and chiseled in stone.
You are allowed to say no.
You are allowed to leave early.
You are allowed to attend something for an hour instead of five, and you're allowed to enjoy your own company.
Protecting your energy doesn't mean you dislike people, sometimes it simply means you know your limits.
Create Your Own Version Of Christmas
Perhaps the biggest source of Christmas anxiety is trying to fulfil traditions and expectations that don't actually suit you.
You don't have to spend Christmas Day travelling between three houses.
You don't have to cook.
You don't have to buy for everybody.
You don't have to attend every event.
You don't have to drink.
You don't even have to particularly like Christmas.
Ask yourself:
If nobody else had an opinion about my Christmas, what would I want it to look like?
You probably can't create that exact version.
But you might be able to move slightly closer to it.
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